Eternal optimist except, you know, when I'm not.

Running is good for endorphin levels.

2011-01-08T16:36:00.000-08:00

I know cause I can feel it!

And as a result of feeling good, I'm holding myself hostage until I clean my room. Can you imagine how much more I'll enjoy the running endorphins when I have a nice place to kick back and absorb it? Yesssssssssssss.

I'm looking out for a hero.

2010-10-20T18:14:00.000-07:00

So, in training for an upcoming half-marathon... I've been going on long runs. This past Sunday I took one of those, however, it was not a good run. Maybe it would have helped if I'd eaten better the day before (sun chips and wine do not a healthy dinner make). Maybe starting out fast was a bad idea - though I would have PR'd a 5k had I been running one. Maybe I should have worn my vest or at least some extra layer to keep warm when I switched to walking halfway through. Coulda, woulda, shoulda -- I know.

However... had I been running, there were some amazing things I would have missed out on. For instance, wending my way up a curvy, deserted road surrounded by trees. Well, that part I would have experienced, but I wouldn't have been nearing the top when I'd hear "pa-pat, pa-pat, pa-pat" and watch three runners peacefully glide past me. Two of them looked to be in their 70s, accompanied by a woman around my age. Their rhythm sounded like horses trotting on a dirt trail, and there was something down right magical about them. I thought "Oh, I could run like that if I kept at it..." and the old man turned and looked at me and smiled.

About half a mile later, I'm in a charming part of the neighborhood, and I see a woman and her young son across the street. They're in my periphery, so I haven't really glanced at them, just registered them on my radar. The little boy stops to look at a construction site, and then runs to catch up with his mom. Get this. He's wearing a full-on Batman suit. Complete with cape, and he's got the hood on too. He chases after his mom, and she reaches her hand down to take his, never missing a step.

It was nice to see that even a superhero needs his mom from time to time.

On the verge

2010-09-23T15:44:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have a feeling that you're at a point where your life might diverge into a way that you hadn't yet imagined? Cause I'm feeling that way right now. I feel apprehensive and excited, but also a little scared. It's easy to feel brave when life looks like how you're planning it... but these surprises can pop out from anywhere!

It's interesting, because if you believe in the mysteries of quantum physics, then you have to consider the possibility that our infinite universe, always expanding, contains different worlds where these small little divergences occur. It's like this tree, where there's all these root systems, but the history goes back to one single trunk of the universe coming into existence. Sometimes I can sit in a chair and ponder this for hours.

The problem with thinking about these divergences? As I'm recognizing these different opportunities, I need to give serious thought to how I want my future to look. It's like the quote from Alice in Wonderland (one of my favorite quotes in literature, in fact):
"Would you tell me please, which way I go from here?" asked Alice.
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to." Said the Cat.

So, where do I want to get to? I'm not sure. I'm doing a lot of thinking , and I think I need to call my mom. She brought me into this world, I think talking to her might help me better determine where I want to go.

A further note, specifically about running...

2010-09-05T09:51:00.001-07:00

For the past few years, ever since I began running I guess, I've experienced excruciating hip pain that would flare up for no discernible rhyme or reason. With my Pilates instructor training on the horizon, I wanted to get the go-ahead from professionals to pursue this goal, and I wanted to have a diagnosis for the pain so that I could understand what to do to prevent or mitigate the flares.

What I learned: I have ITBS, but occurring at my hips, rather than at my knees (which is where most runners experience it). This is great news! I have some strengthening exercises that I now do a couple of times each week, and I'm getting ready to inject slow but steady increases in my mileage/time spent running each week. My Pilates training will almost certainly be a boon to my body, helping to get my muscles working together better, and helping to stave off the pain.

I was almost a bit too optimistic when I began fantasizing about my return to running though-- I was trying to plot out marathon training so that I could run a marathon on my next birthday (in a few months). But looking at the amount of training, I recognized that (1) it was far too ambitious than would probably be good for my hips, and (2) I don't know how I would fit so much time/mileage into each week -- I've got a lot on my plate as it is. So, the good thing? I do think that I could comfortably manage a half-marathon. One of my best friends is in training for an earlier half, and I'm feeling inspired by her to really challenge myself to train for the distance. I can see how her hard work is paying off, and I admire that. Plus since the actual race will be on my birthday, I will walk when I want to and not feel pressured for any grand showing. Cause that'll make it fun for me!

I may do some writing on my Sasha in Seattle blog for a few, but then I think I need to dive into a spreadsheet with my calendar at hand, and really figure the next 12 weeks out! Hurrah!

Running and writing.

2010-09-05T09:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I browsed through my various blogs. And I realized it's been a long time since I've written in this blog, and so I got to thinking about why I hadn't written in here.

I think I know why. I started this blog with the intention to document my road trip plan (you can replace "plan" with "fantasy") of two years ago. But I think that really I should have looked at the "write or run" portion of this blog's address. Writing and running both bring me great pleasure, and I know that things are going well when I have enough time to feed those pleasures. However, I think I find it hard to make time for both, and therefore it's hard to get enough of either one.

Basically... what I'm saying is that I need to channel this blog back onto the things that bring me pleasure in life, and in that way I'll document the metaphorical road trip of life that I am on. I'm getting to a point in life where I am feeling closer to balancing out the work-play factor, especially as I'm striving to find ways to make work feel like play. I do hope that my parents will know how grateful I am that they introduced me to Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle's Magic.

W-R-I-T-E cheerleaders

2009-11-23T18:16:00.000-08:00

So today I felt productive. I wrote on my Sasha in Seattle blog, and took care of a *ton* of things around the house. Okay, really, more like 50 pounds of things around the house, I tend toward exaggeration. But really, it felt fantastic to have time to write. Which is probably why I'm doing it again, seated across the ping-pong table from a wonderful man engaged in his own creative pursuit (which is awesome... I can't wait until he's done so that I can show off his creativity).

Maybe I should let you know... I applied for a part-time writing job the other day. I'm nervous, because I feel that there's likely a vast many amount of writers who have more experience, more pizazz, more whatever than I do. "Oh Sasha, be positive" I hear Camille saying to the computer, loyal reader and friend that she is. I know, I know. Let me remind you of the heading of this personal blog-world. Sometimes, I'm not. Ask me again in ten minutes if I'm feeling optimistic, and you'll have the answer you're used to hearing.

Perhaps the case of nerves indicate that I want this position much more than I was initially willing to admit to myself. When I started my current job, I knew that I wanted to transition into something more creative. Given the size of the company, I thought that opportunity would be fairly quick in coming, but of course... these things take time. I imagine I've withheld from applying for better-fitting jobs in the past due to fears of failure. What happens if I do this, this thing I really want, and I fail?

It's interesting to be at a point in my life where I'm feeling brave enough to take that chance. Life is full of risks; there's chances of failure around every corner. But when I'm pursuing something that feels right in both heart and mind, something where my heart races even though my breathing is even, there's an excitement to that risk. Because I know that in everything I've attempted and accomplished, that possibility of failure was there too. If I hadn't taken the shot, there was no way it would ever go in.

Besides, there's something positive to come of every experience. Even those with less than satisfactory outcomes (ahem, exes, business plans, and a few other grand ideas that didn't successfully come to pass) still taught me something that I needed to know to proceed. I think it can be hard to fully extract the lesson from everything, sometimes it takes me years to have the perspective I need to best understand why something needed to happen... but, with time speeding up these days, at least it feels like I'm getting it quicker!

Anyway. Writing = Good. Food (oohhh home cooking) = Even better right now.

Love to my peep(s)!

Oh, Hi!

2009-10-22T08:55:00.000-07:00

There are numerous changes since my last post!

Met a man, fell in love.
Moved to Seattle.
Spent the summer trying to stay cool and sane.
Realized my savings were rapidly dwindling, found job.
Took class in editing, have no income yet as a result of that investment.

So there you have it! No time for blog-posting, and hopefully you won't hold it against me. Oh wait, except I did find time to start another blog and occasionally post. What's that address, you ask? sashainseattle.wordpress.com

I anticipate alternating my sporadic postings between these two blogs. Until I figure out which one I like better, or maybe decide that each has their own unique flavor. SashainSeattle is somewhat chronicling my life in Seattle, though that's between apologies for not posting in awhile, and promises to improve. Let's face it... I don't write as much as I want to. I think the only person who realizes and is disappointed (maybe) is Camille.

But here? Why, maybe I should just be silly! I've been having all these ideas of fun things, and this could perhaps be a source of ideas for those willing to take it further! Except I just launched one of those ideas... This kinda looks like a face is where I'll be uploading photos of things that, well, kinda look like a face. Occasionally they'll probably kinda look like something besides a face, but who knows. I sure don't. Anyway! That blog accepts submissions, so please, be awesome, and keep your eyes peeled for things that kinda look like a face. That's one way to make use of your cell phone camera that isn't dirty.

Oh, oh, oh!! But you should also check out the Huffington Post! Bellingham is the best place to eat local in my mind, and so I shared it... and it is most awesome!!! Now you know my HuffPost name, but that's cool. It's not like I post flaming comments or anything to be ashamed of.

Okay. I love you, tons really! But I need to go to the grocery store before I go to work. Loves!

The bees knees and ladies

2009-03-12T00:30:00.000-07:00

Ahhh. Today, I had the joys of Katie's company not once, not twice, but three times. And it was fabulous.

We started off this morning walking around her yard and taking measurements and notes to plan a garden. Katie's been wanting a garden for some time, and, well, I've got the time to help make it happen!

Later, I picked her up and we took Shyann (my pooch-sister) to Padden to run the trails with her boyfriend and the students he coaches in long-distance running. It was cold, there was snow still very much on the ground through the horse trails, but as we emerged from the woods and the hills, the sun felt so refreshing. It was a great run, and I'm looking forward to joining up with them more in the coming weeks as a running buddy.

And, of course, it was Wednesday, so our standing ladies night date was in place. We missed Camille tonight (I miss you tons dearie! We need some quality time soon, if you happen to be reading this...). And MAN! It was an intense disc that we were watching! What I love the most about these ladies nights, is that we're really low-key... we get together with some wine and appetizers and watch discs of TV shows that we never watched in high school... yet that we all discover we enjoy. We debate the characters and the situations they find themselves in at length after the disc ends... and it gives us an opportunity to explore our lives and what choices we would make if we were in the same situation.

I always feel enlightened after these evenings. It recharges my batteries. Nonetheless, I'm not up for two late nights in a row... so adios amigos. Hasta manana.

The iron is hot. The induction stove? It's not, and it's fabulous.

2009-03-11T01:07:00.000-07:00

Dear friends,

Ah, I've been struck by inspiration! Suddenly, I can foresee away that I can work and still be happy! I just come up with my own business, you see, and do what I want to do in order to work as much or as little as I'd like at any given time! My goodness!

Really, I don't know why that whole concept hasn't struck me much harder, much earlier. I've always understood it, but perhaps I was always too busy trying to figure out what I'd like to do, instead of just realizing what I wouldn't mind doing and making that happen. So... It fell into place for me... My expenses are beautifully low, and in order to not deplete that beautiful ace in the hole called savings, I really only need to work about 10 hours a week. What would I not mind doing for 10 hours each week? Cooking and cleaning. No joke! (Mom and Dad, I can hear your guffaws of laughter. I assure you I'm as serious as I ever am!)

Cause here's the thing! I really enjoy cooking and cleaning when that is what I'm actually doing. And it's really nice to create a more positive living envrionment for people. Heck, I used to dress up and treat myself to clean my old studio in Ballard. I'd put on good CDs, and I'd get lost in my imagination while reliving the old Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle books. Here's the thing... when my imagination has the opportunity to wander, it's like being on the Olympic Peninsula. All these ideas spring up very lush and healthy, and the eco-system of my mind thrives!

One of the joys of my unemployment (which I double-speak as "purposefully available scheduling for the benefit of more social time with people I love"), is that I get to, well, spend more time with people I love! Slowly I am struck with how much easier it is to nurture my friendships. And in doing so, I am also balancing the time that I like to have just for me (reading, writing, recreating). Shoot, I'm probably radiating something akin to smug, but I assure you that's not the case!

Sometimes it's just really easy to think that I should really have things in my life "more in place" if that makes sense. Honestly, it doesn't make sense to me. What is so wrong with the fact that I want to create a life in which I'm a truly happy being? Nothing! Nothing is wrong with that! But it is important to me to feel that I'm getting by on terms that are acceptable to me.

Ai yi yi. It's almost two in the morning and I'm absolutely wide awake. It could be because the universe is filled with an inexplicable energy right now... or it could be the 32 ounces of coffee I had after noon today. I'm thinking it's the latter, but there's a definite quality that lends itself to the former and my mood this fine evening (morning?).

This afternoon and evening, I hung out with Liz (Hi Liz!) and her husband and mom, and our mutual best friend Katie. While we were enjoying our dinner, I'd mentioned that I would be writing more with my new freedom. After we knocked down some pins in alleys, we were talking about the Spring Bowling League they were advertising, and how many times one would have to bowl to make it worth it each week (the answer: five games),
and I said,
"Oo, maybe I could do that..."
Liz's mom: "But what about writing?"
Me, sheepishly**: "Okay, I'll still be writing. I'm [getting closer to] writing every day."

So, here's part of the first steps. Taking advantage of the desire to write when I have time to do so. It may be at odd hours... but what better thing to do when I find I can't sleep? Wait, should I be watching TV right now? Cause I'm sure I could find something lovely and soporific on TV. And miss out on the joyous release that comes from expression, miss out on adoring Pandora, miss out on delighting in catching up on Liz's blog (classichousewife.blogspot.com).

I didn't realize how many idea eggs had been laid... but they're all starting to hatch:

So, thoughts:
Business idea - Begin cleaning and cooking, start with an introductory rate as I gain more experience (and figure out if I really want to do that a few hours each week). Benefit of this is that I'll improve at doing these things, which helps my life too!
Fun idea - Bowling league. Seriously. You wanna bowl? Shout out! Know a business that would sponsor a league? I especially urge you to let me know.
General ideas to accomplish writing goals - Know those small little flippy notebooks that are good for shopping lists and jotting notes to one's self? Um, so I have maybe five of those. I need to start using them. And also writing when inspiration strikes.

Okeydoke. Methinks it's bedtime. Finally.

**I instantly made a mental note to ensure that this becomes true with more visible results than the statement "I'm working on setting up my office" yielded a couple of weeks ago. When I can make it in the door and be set up comfortably, you'll be the first to know.

Ahhh, finally!

2009-03-04T10:53:00.000-08:00

Dear friends!

I am overjoyed to announce that this dream is far more closer to reality than at any point over the past year! I am gainfully unemployed, and the winds are beginning to blow the right way for me to head out on the road trip. Well, almost... I have some commitments that will keep me mostly in town for the next few months (volunteering, and the wedding of one of my best friends), but then - FINALLY!!!!- I should be able to get going!

As I don't write nearly as often as I once hoped, this blog looks a lot like my journal. ("Dear journal, so much has happened in the past few months since I wrote! Yet I have no time to sit and write, so I'll fill you in later." And then more time passes.) I was struggling a lot in a job I believed in, but there was too much going on in my personal life for me to be as focused and dedicated as I would have liked to be. When my grandpa died three weeks ago, I felt as though everything came to a head. My mind and my heart were with my family. When I would think about myself, my thoughts would be toward the life I wanted to be having... a life with adventure and beauty. A life exploring the wonders of life, love, and the world we live in.

And so it hit me that rather than continue to feel like I was running into this brick wall again and again, I should be making an effort to get over the wall, to walk around it, to knock it down. That the way to do so would be to dedicate a great deal of my time getting my life in order; getting my bus in good condition, and getting myself stronger in mind, body, and spirit to embark on my journey.

I can not express how free I am feeling! At any given moment, I pause, and breathe deep, and feel... like I am soaring. I know that to some what I am doing seems impractical. "Are you completely oblivious of today's economy?" they ask. "How are you going to make a living?" And I don't know what to say to explain that I'd rather be living than making a living. That I have faith in my resourcefulness to get by as a productive member of society in my own right. That many of the expectations people set for themselves serve to imprison them.

Back before our society became focused on keeping up with the Joneses, our work was spent in the fields, growing crops to provide food for our families. Working with the Earth to live, instead of working to acquire things that work against it. And please don't feel that I'm saying there's anything wrong with the jobs that do not work directly toward providing life's necessities (food, water, shelter, love), but there is something wrong with feeling miserable and disheartened a vast majority of the time.

Anyway. So, yeah, musings. I've got to dash - I'd like to attend a meeting on the development of the old GP site.

Will write more soon, I hope/promise,
Love and peace,
Sasha

If this blog were a houseplant...

2008-12-19T23:10:00.000-08:00

...it would be totally dead right now. Unless it were a cactus, those things thrive on neglect.

Anyway! So, HOWDY! Life's been full of changes. Quit my job. Tried out unemployment for about 96 hours before exploring the world of blueberry farming. Season wrapped up, was unemployed for 48 hours, then got a job in a non-profit.

And now? Now I'm thinking about making that work if I can do it and be happy. And if it doesn't work? If I'm not happy? Well, hmm.

I went to brunch the other day with a guy who regularly takes off in his Westy. I know that there are ways to incorporate road trips with working, and it really comes down to a good fit and making smart choices.

The biggest thing I've learned? That there's no need to figure it all out right this second. Whew. That was easy.

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

2008-06-27T15:53:00.000-07:00

Hello my friends,

Well. Wow, where to start?!? With the bus trip for sure.

So much has been happening in my life recently. One of the goals of my trip was to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I'd been steadily waking up to the fact that my position was not the best fit, at least in terms of providing the challenges that keep me excited and eager to head in to work. As I wasn't meeting those needs for challenge in my job, I began volunteering.

Volunteering is fantastic! It's the best way I've found to give back to my community, which I have loved a looooooong time. That's right Bellingham, I'd sleep with you every night if I could... it's just sometimes I want to spend the night some place else. Sue me.

Anyway, volunteering has opened my eyes up. So much, that I'm afraid to sneeze for fear my eyes will fly out of my head! What all this means - in terms of the road trip - is that I feel good working for non-profits.

One non-profit in particular I find so completely inspiring. I want to learn all that I can about them! They've inadvertantly also set me on a path I'd like to explore... developing a non-profit for neighboring Skagit County that can help increase awareness of Skagit farmers, while facilitating many of the connections that will maintain a sustainable community.

I love bringing people together. My head is this great filing cabinet that stores away information that often proves useful. "Oh Jackson, you're intereted in starting a downhill inner-tubing club? My friend Bertha is an avid downhill inner-tuber, and she could help you get that started! At the very least, you two might want to have dinner together, I think she's your type." Okay, no, I've never set anyone up romantically... but when I somebody says they're looking for a painter, I give them the number of a painter I know. I like giving him business, and I know that he'll do a great job at a reasonable price. My parents, whenever they mention a major home project, I burst with ideas, many of which they'd appreciate, and many of which can also be completed with the help of people I've met since moving back to town three years ago.

Yeah, Skagit, it ain't exactly Bellingham. But it's beautiful down there, and it sounds like there's a need. I'm applying for some AmeriCorps positions to learn more about the operations of non-profits, and I'm interested to see if positions are flexible enough to allow me a regular time each week in which I can volunteer within the community.

Soooo, bus trip temporarily on hold. With gas becoming such a hot commodity, I don't mind that. Leaving my current employment 5 months ahead of schedule throws a wrench in the finances, and when I'm only earning about 35% of my current income, I'm not inclined to spend money on something that isn't doing the world a whole lotta good anyway.

On top of these directional changes, my car got a death sentence from the mechanic. It's still running, but I feel as though it's on borrowed time. Soooo... what do I do? I've contemplated selling the bus. If I can get what I paid, then combined with my current savings I can do a savings-secured loan and pick up a used subaru. I'd still be able to live out of that for the trip... or if I postpone the trip a few years I can keep my eyes peeled for a diesel and use biodiesel on my trip, which would make me very happy indeed.

When I tell people that the trip plans are changing, I get the sense that they think it's not going to happen. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Cause let's face it, when I set my mind on doing something, I'll do it, unless it compromises the safety and happiness of myself and others.

So... as my heart is urging me to discover what I can do within the bounds of my community, that's what I'm going to do.

More later, gentle readers, I promise. (Later meaning a few days, so please keep your panties untwisted if you're obsessively checking for updates this evening.)

;-) s.

A lot has been happening...

2008-06-17T16:50:00.000-07:00

...too much to write at this moment, and there are some changes afoot. I'll write more, soon, and explain. I promise!

Shaping the trip

2008-04-26T07:14:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

I've started volunteering with some organizations I admire in the area, and it's helping to further shape the direction of my trip. It appears I haven't been writing about some of the things I'm thinking about... so let me bring you up to speed!

I'm hoping to network with similar non-profits in communities that are comparable to Bellingham... and perhaps even a few that aren't, but from whom I can learn more that will benefit our community. This will help to bring a greater purpose to my trip, and does mean I'll need to do some planning for a route. I'll still allow myself some chunks of time to just explore, and I'll still come back to Bellingham periodically to visit with friends and family (and just to visit Bellingham in general, I love it so much!).

I do find myself wishing that I'd found a diesel van though. I went to the Chuckanut Radio Hour's taping on Earth Day that featured Doug Fine, and he mentioned how he'd converted his diesel truck to run off of used cooking oil... without even having to convert it into biodiesel! Think about how wonderful that would be. I would be travelling, but would be reusing other resources, rather than consuming gas. Makes me wonder what would be involved in switching out my engine and making the conversion? Perhaps too much work and money, but it only costs time to look into it... so we'll see!

Anyway, my to-do list is growing as I come up with more ideas of what I'd like to get from this trip. I'll need to record a list of the things I hope to accomplish... and I still need to write down my list of things needed for the trip. One of my best friends (Kira) offered to keep her eyes peeled for items as garage sale season hits; and as I'd prefer to get everything second-hand, time is of the essence. :-)

Alrighty, enough for this morning.

Cheers,
Sasha

Transportation purchases abound...

2008-04-21T12:19:00.000-07:00

Another planned joy of my journey... I'd like to stay some places for a few days or more at a time, and I don't really want to drive when I'm staying in plalces like national parks.

So I got a bike! It's used, and I spent the weekend cruising around town in it, and I am so excited! Besides, there's the added benefit that I'll be better to the environment, and better to myself using it in the meantime. And the money that I'd be spending on gas? I can save it for the trip!

Anyway. Had to share my excitement! Gotta go eat lunch, I am hungry!

Geek Alert!

2008-04-03T13:07:00.000-07:00

Okay. It's true.

On my break, I started looking around on google maps as part of a facebook application (was tracking where I've been, as well as some places I want to go to) and started zooming in to find more places I've visited in England. Anyway, I've discovered I frickin' adore maps.

When I was young, I would entertain myself looking at fictional maps (such as those in the Redwall series and Sweet Pickle books). And I've always wanted a classy second-hand globe from a flea market. But I realize too that maps will help me tremendously when I'm on my road trip. Cause duh. It's good to not be lost.

Some people have suggested having GPS in my bus... but I don't really want to go that route. Far easier to accidentally get lost using a paper map than when using something that knows your location. It's only when we get lost that we're given an easy opportunity to find ourselves. Everyone takes a few wrong turns on the way to getting somewhere, but that presents an excellent time to appreciate when we arrive at our destination! If it was an easy route, what do we learn? Sometimes easy is just, well, a little boring.

Besides, as long as I have my sense of direction, I'll always be able to find my way home. That's what matters the most, isn't it? That I get where I'm going and that I make it home?

Anyway. I'm excited to track where I go, and to keep this more updated than it has been. I've been driving my bus around, mainly to go and watch sunsets. I need to learn more about the engine, cause I think there are definitely some things that need fixing. I'd like to get the urgent matters attended to before I start doing weekend excursions with friends, and I think I'll begin those in May, so I want to get on this.

Dad offered some muffler wraps which should buy me some time before replacing the muffler, I'll apply that this weekend. That will make my ride quieter at least! I'm also going to need to get some new seals for the rear, and fix the back hatch (which doesn't open, the latch is broken)... with all the rain and snow and bizarreness weather-wise, I've discovered that water leaks in and soaks my pillows. Not good, I say, not good at all. I still love the bus though. It's a beauty, it's stinky, it's loud, it's me.

Anyway, should grab a bite before lunch is up! Let me leave you with a picture!

Pictures of the Bus!

2008-03-21T09:13:00.001-07:00

Here's the beauty!

Daphne wanted the first spin... but she couldn't reach the pedals or see over the wheel. Unless she finds the Alice In Wonderland pill that makes her big, she'll just have to settle for hanging out.

Does it look like I'm groping the bus? Cause that's certainly what it seems like I was doing.

Yup, I'm stoked!

The first day of spriiiing...

2008-03-21T00:20:00.001-07:00

..I got a bus!

Only have pics on my cell phone, and appear to be having difficulties with the posting, even with the "mobile blogging" tips page. Oh sigh!

But believe me, as *soon* as I get it figured out... you can see the pictures. I promise!

Much love and happiness, on this, the first day of spring,
(well, it was until twenty-four minutes ago)

Sasha
Proud owner of an Aqua 1973 Westfalia
It's a sweet ride.

Motivators

2008-03-01T19:07:00.000-08:00

http://xkcd.com/ It's funny and moving and true.

This particular one captures the essence of my game plan... To explore whatever feels the most interesting, and learn about myself in the process. Though I'm not inclined to take myself through a tear in the universe just to make out with myself. Maybe.

Anyway, I should try to blog more, and I will. Soon. When I make the time for it!

At the very least I'm going to post a to-do list soon. I'd looooove feedback on things I may not have thought of, but sure as heck should consider.

Peace, s.

The word is out now...

2008-02-05T13:43:00.000-08:00

I met with my boss yesterday, and it truly went well. I felt I was able to articulate the ways I think this trip will help me develop, what that would mean for the company, and that I believe I will be better prepared to handle anything that comes my way for following this dream. She was excited for me, and optimistic that perhaps a leave could be arranged, but I've since received word from HR that it'll likely work out that I resign when preparing to leave. I'll have a leg up on other applicants due to my history with the company, but they can't make any guarantees. Completely understandable, and honestly, what I expected.

So, I am disappointed that my plan couldn't be ideal... that I couldn't just leave and know that a spot is awaiting me... But isn't part of life recognizing that it changes? That we can't expect to leave, and come back different, and hope that everything else has remained the same... For all I know, I might receive more of a calling while on the road... Even though I doubt that I'll choose to live anywhere else, I certainly don't KNOW that no other place will appeal. It's just that home is where the heart is, and my heart is in Bellingham (and greater Western Washington at the very least).

I know in an earlier post I may have thought that it'd be a few years until I return to my company... But I truly love it. I like what it stands for, and the people who work here, and the services it provides to our community. I feel that in discovering everything that I am capable of, I could help it to succeed in its goals and dreams. Okay, that sounds sappy... But it's true. I will have to take time to learn though, and time to grow...

In a way, this is the post-graduation trip I never took. I didn't want to go and spend a ton of money at a point when I didn't know what I was doing, or how best to meet my needs and wants... and this ultimately (ideally?) will be cheaper than any long trip I'd have taken in the past. This pursuit of happiness (though I know that happiness is not something you chase, but more a by-product of doing other things) is something I'm REALLY looking forward to. I've still got a lot of prep, but it is so worth it.

I love my parents.

2008-01-31T23:07:00.000-08:00

So... I got home after a long day of work, and I joined my folks at the table. They were into a bottle of wine, and so I poured a glass to join them. I always take great pleasure from sitting down at the table with them. Sometimes, I know I'm not in the best mood to appreciate it, but I know how lucky I am to enjoy the conversations I have with them. Fortunately, today was one of the lucky days!

We started out talking about interesting subjects... My dad was curious about how young people today spoke with one another about their sexuality. I have always loved how open my parents are to different lifestyles... I think I know some reasons about that; ultimately it comes down to character... My parents are simply intelligent, accepting people. Everything good about me I credit them for, and my bad traits are simply character traits that I am working to improve (though with that my mom will say I don't give myself enough credit - that's how supportive a person she is).

The thing is, I'm aware of my limitations and short-comings, and I feel bad about those. There are so many ways in which I'd like to be a better person... whether it's about being a better friend or a better daughter; or whether it's about being the best I can be in order to realize my full potential. I believe that learning and following through on the things that will be best for me is the greatest gift I can give myself and the people who love me unconditionally. Why shouldn't we all strive to recognize and realize the best that we can be?

To love is an action verb. Paraphrasing Stephen Covey, "to love is a verb... It is the act of love that leads to the feeling of love." I believe strongly that if we siply show people our love for them then we will feel the love for them. In doing little things for my mom and dad (like bringing up the beer from the garage!) I can show them how much I love them. It's about being aware of the ways in which we can make people happy. I may not be able to have been straight-A or a star athlete, but that doesn't even matter. I am very different from a lot of people, and yet I have th ebest of their traits! How lucky am I?!?!

My dad is so fascinating. He simply does the things that make him feel happy; he goes to concerts, lectures, various civic meetings that spark his fire, and simply takes joy in the things that life is about. He makes it so much easier to do the things in which I take joy, and to take joy in the things that I do. I credit him for the fact that I find joy in activity, I like to DO! I like to MOVE! I love to be outside, and in movement and to do so with a sense of purpose. When he first came to the states from England, he hitch-hiked around, and saw the Americas.

Which brings me to my mom. She is amazing. When one of my cousins was preparing for her first child, she consulted my mom for parenting advice. In raising my brother and I (and in some capacity, perhaps my half-siblings, her step-children) she wanted to give us respect in the best way... to treat us as she would any other human being on this planet; with Humor, Integrity, and Compassion, or what she called (quite wonderfully) her "HIC" method. She is so understanding about the important things in life. She seems to truly understand that the most important thing is to connect with people; to love someone so fully, that you just want them to enjoy the time and company of someone else you really love.

This all ties in with my road trip because my mom got it in to her head that the best thing for my dad and I is to spend time sharing the road trip together. I am very much my father's daughter, and I know she wants me to recognize that. My mom understands how much my dad and I could get along if we just truly understood that we are alike in so many ways. Our disagreements are what he and I probably tend to focus on... and it's not even like those are disagreements... it's just that we are so stubborn in practically the exact same ways. We build walls that are endless because we rarely take the time to recognize the futility of building that sort of structure. My dad and I both know we won't do the entire road trip together... but we both know that we could maybe, just maybe, do it for a good month or so.

I wonder if it's something she had wished to do with her dad. To truly both recognize the brilliant things about one another that could be the best inheritance to pass on from person to person. And my grandfather is still around... it's just that he's not the man he once was. Talking to my dad this evening, I cried at the table in expressing how lucky I felt that I still have him in my life. I really hope that sentence doesn't make any of the people I care about feel bad. But so many of my loved ones have lost their fathers. I am beyond fortunate that I still have this time with him. How can I stand to waste it?!

We really are so much alike. Beyond our stubborness, there's the love for running and movement; my newfound love of soccer; the unquenchable wanderlust. We are both ambitious, and believe in finding joy in what we do, even if sometimes we don't seem the happiest. I think we're both very direct, while also being conscious of others. Which means that sometimes we are blunt to the point of hurting people we care about, but it's only because we care about them so much. We just both sometimes think we know the best way to do things. And we both have a hard time admitting that other ways work too.

And yet I am very much like my mom too. She is better than me; I feel that she is the most loving person I know. Not to say that she doesn't have her faults (though it beats me to try and think of any) but she will scrounge up so much love for everyone. She is so generous with her heart. I know I am a good person too. But I will always strive to be a better person in order to be even partly comparable to my mom. I feel I can let out a lot of my more negative observations to her. This provides good release, but I think everyone at one point or another needs to let out their very human frustrations to another human being. It is the search for someone who truly understands what you're going through, even if fo ronly half a second. I feel I can articulate my thoughts to my mom, in a way that is hard to do with anyone else. And yet it's sad that sometimes I don't share everything I'm going through; my mom always makes me feel like she would listen forever. She just loves me that much!

I find that sometimes I do that for my friends. I will find that I can listen to them sharing details about how they think, and how they process loved ones actions and words, and I can just get this heartfelt feeling about who they are. I feel I get this from my mom.

My parents are both absolutely wonderful people. Sometimes I have a hard time thinking about who I am, and then I realize that I am a blend of them. I'm a blend of the good and bad, and that mix is so utterly unique, and yet so completely similar to them, that I have no doubts about who I come from. And who I be is shaped so much by who I come from. I feel like a sculpture from clay; my basic form has been determined, but it is up to my fire of life experience to formulate who I am becoming. If you start with a good shape, you have the best chance of surviving the fire intact, and with a beautiful glaze. I hope the temperature I set makes their artistry worthwhile. Damn, I love metaphor.

To get to practicalities of the road trip... I'm meeting with my boss on Monday to discuss "the way I'd like my life to shape." I am apprehensive for sure, but I'm really excited to talk with her and get her opinion on some of the things I'm dreaming. I'd like to be responsible to my loyalties and my future goals, and I think I can draw a defining line, I just would appreciate her input on the feasability of it all. Cause really, who knows. Isn't the way to make god laugh, to tell him your plans? That always scares me. But why should I be afraid of anything life has to offer? I really shouldn't.

I want a good life, and I will give serious thought to what will make a good life for me. I thank everyone who contributes to both my shape and my fire. Thank you.

Busses and Dates

2008-01-07T13:48:00.000-08:00

Okay, I've got about fifteen minutes left of my lunch, but I wanted to post before another day went by...

I checked out a 1973 VW Westfalia Friday on my lunch break... and the more research I've done subsequent to viewing that particular bus, the more I'm realizing what a gem it is! There's very little rust, but if I go back I'll need to scurry under the bus and check out the front-axle. According to the research I've done that can be a problem spot. But it's in good condition, the engine looks very clean, and Brad - the guy who's selling it - bought it off of a mechanic who'd had it for years... so it was well maintained. The inside is very clean too, but I'd probably embark on a reupholstery project to give it more of a SashaStamp. Seriously though, it's in great shape! Brad was very helpful and honest, I'd told him it was the first bus I'd looked at, and he told me what things to look for while shopping, and showed me where to look on this bus.

I do feel like I could benefit from a more experienced opinion though. Probably I'll call up my buddy Nate; he and I haven't spoken in a number of months - not for any bad reason, but more that's just how life works out sometimes - so it'd be a good reason to give him a holler. Anyway, that's on my agenda... If his schedule permits, maybe I can get him over to check it out this weekend. I'll have the money completely saved up by mid-February, and I might see about getting a loan so that I can get it sooner (I've already got 50%, and my bonus at the end of January will cover another 30%...) I guess I'm just worried that Brad will decide not to sell it - he commented that he half-heartedly tries to sell it every few months, but nostalgia sometimes causes him to take his ads down.

Anyway, so that's the bus update!

After the morning run with my ladies on Saturday, I took the bus (public - not VW) downtown to the library to look up travel books. I found quite a few, and got some ideas on places I want to see. Unfortunately I appear to have taken that notebook out of my purse, so I can't write too much detail... But Road Trip USA is great. It gives different routes along major highways, but has an interesting blend of things to do and see.

The way I envision the trip, I'll probably hit the road for a few weeks, and then come home to say Hi and see loved ones (especially Miss Daphne, since she's not much of a driving cat) for a long weekend and then hit the road again. My first trip will probably be headed East; I'd like to see Chicago and the Great Lakes, and then I'll head down along the Mississippi and head down to Florida. I'd like some sun and sandy beaches!

Also, I've started thinking about my leave date. Given the number of times that 306 has turned up in my life (uncanny and possibly uninteresting story to most) I think that March 6th 2009 is my target leave date. This is hard, cause I know I will want to take off earlier. My last day of work (whether at my current job or with a restaurant) will be February 28, to give me time to spend getting ready to leave. If I do get the bus soon, I'll take some practice trips on long weekends and camping this summer. It'll be so much fun! By the by, the bus sleeps 4 adults, though maybe not that many comfortably. If at any point while I'm gone people want to meet up for a trip, I'd be happy for the company I'm sure.

I should dash, lunch is up!

Cheers,
Sasha

Websites that will help the documentary aspect...

2008-01-04T10:41:00.000-08:00

This blog will also be a way for me to keep track of some of the things I hope to do while on the trip... I'll share the information I'm compiling, so that the people following my progress (loved ones, new friends, and strangers alike) have some idea of my goals. The more open I am about those, the more likely I feel it is I will accomplish them.

In journaling my trip, I was hoping to compile personal writings that I could use for future radio documentaries (I love http://www.thisamericanlife.com/) or even any books or essays I might want to write/attempt in the future. For my birthday, thanks to my brother Geoff, I got a digital voice recorder... I like it a lot, though I wish I'd put more research into it. This American Life directs those new to radio (like myself) to Transom.org's tool site (http://www.transom.org/tools/index.php). Unfortunately, there I learned that another girl is ALSO taking a road trip with similar goals and aspirations, and for a longer time. Though my goals no longer feel original, it's really no bother as I'm sure that this has been done numerous times before. But each and every one of us who embark on such a journey will come away with unique and different experiences, and this one is my story.

Every day since I committed to this idea (so, since about 2:30 on 12/31/07) I've woken up feeling peaceful and joyous. I love it! There's just SO MUCH TO DO!

Still have a few hours before I check out Bus #1, and only a few minutes before my break ends... But I found a site for extended road trips by a family that has been on the road for 15 years! Check it out at http://www.activated-storytellers.com/travel_tips_for_families.html. And please, send along any links to things that you think will help me, or let me know of any books that I should read. I'll be headed to the library this weekend, and any titles or authors would be great!

Cheers, Sasha

P.S. Just found a site I want to investigate at my leisure: http://www.roadtripamerica.com/index.htm YES!

Every journey begins...

2008-01-03T21:29:00.000-08:00

Over the years, I've occasionally thought about getting a VW bus and seeing the country. Though I would talk about it the chance I would actually do so was slim to none. After a particularly restless end to 2007, I realized I would have to do something in order to learn some important things about myself, and the bus trip fantasy seemed as good a thing to try as any.

I really don't know what I hope to find; it could be inspiration, it could be spirituality, it could be the knowledge that I should be doing what I'm doing now. Could be anything, everything, and nothing, but it would be a challenging adventure for sure.

My plan is to leave in 2009, as the winter chill starts to fade into the coming spring. In the meantime, I'm going to continue with my job, though I will be talking this over with my boss soon. I have a strong desire to give my best for what remains of my time there; I plan to work as a server for a few months before I hit the road... I imagine I'll leave employment (and my wonderful and supportive boss) by the end of this year. It's sad really, I love the people I work with and it's a wonderful company. But I worry about the long-term fit. Maybe when I'm done with my trip, or after I spend a few years in self-discovery, I'll be in a better place to give them what they deserve of me, and I really hope that it might work out.

I know some of my friends and loved ones will be skeptical that I'll actually go on this journey. Unfortunately, I've not been the best at following through on plans. But when I'm serious about something, then, well, I'm pretty dang serious.

Running started me on this. I don't fully remember how I got started running --which is strange-- but I know that it's been teaching me how to set goals, and how to push myself and do the things I want to do.

This really feels like the next step for me. The planning and preparing for the trip will help as well; I've already begun lists of things that I need or need to learn how to do. There's a sense of calm in my heart that I hope I may maintain some sort of grasp on for the years to come.

Tomorrow I'm checking out my first possible bus. I wouldn't be able to afford it until about mid-February, but that's fine. It will give me time to research others and discover what questions I should be asking and what I should be looking for when shopping around. If anyone can give me any tips on shopping for the right VW bus (or point me in a direction for what I need to know) then I would definitely appreciate it!

I anticipate using this as a means to keep my friends updated when I'm on the road, but also to explain how I got to where I'll get. Make sense? I need to record it some way, and this, well, it will be fun for me.

Cheers and best wishes,
Sasha