So... I got home after a long day of work, and I joined my folks at the table. They were into a bottle of wine, and so I poured a glass to join them. I always take great pleasure from sitting down at the table with them. Sometimes, I know I'm not in the best mood to appreciate it, but I know how lucky I am to enjoy the conversations I have with them. Fortunately, today was one of the lucky days!
We started out talking about interesting subjects... My dad was curious about how young people today spoke with one another about their sexuality. I have always loved how open my parents are to different lifestyles... I think I know some reasons about that; ultimately it comes down to character... My parents are simply intelligent, accepting people. Everything good about me I credit them for, and my bad traits are simply character traits that I am working to improve (though with that my mom will say I don't give myself enough credit - that's how supportive a person she is).
The thing is, I'm aware of my limitations and short-comings, and I feel bad about those. There are so many ways in which I'd like to be a better person... whether it's about being a better friend or a better daughter; or whether it's about being the best I can be in order to realize my full potential. I believe that learning and following through on the things that will be best for me is the greatest gift I can give myself and the people who love me unconditionally. Why shouldn't we all strive to recognize and realize the best that we can be?
To love is an action verb. Paraphrasing Stephen Covey, "to love is a verb... It is the act of love that leads to the feeling of love." I believe strongly that if we siply show people our love for them then we will feel the love for them. In doing little things for my mom and dad (like bringing up the beer from the garage!) I can show them how much I love them. It's about being aware of the ways in which we can make people happy. I may not be able to have been straight-A or a star athlete, but that doesn't even matter. I am very different from a lot of people, and yet I have th ebest of their traits! How lucky am I?!?!
My dad is so fascinating. He simply does the things that make him feel happy; he goes to concerts, lectures, various civic meetings that spark his fire, and simply takes joy in the things that life is about. He makes it so much easier to do the things in which I take joy, and to take joy in the things that I do. I credit him for the fact that I find joy in activity, I like to DO! I like to MOVE! I love to be outside, and in movement and to do so with a sense of purpose. When he first came to the states from England, he hitch-hiked around, and saw the Americas.
Which brings me to my mom. She is amazing. When one of my cousins was preparing for her first child, she consulted my mom for parenting advice. In raising my brother and I (and in some capacity, perhaps my half-siblings, her step-children) she wanted to give us respect in the best way... to treat us as she would any other human being on this planet; with Humor, Integrity, and Compassion, or what she called (quite wonderfully) her "HIC" method. She is so understanding about the important things in life. She seems to truly understand that the most important thing is to connect with people; to love someone so fully, that you just want them to enjoy the time and company of someone else you really love.
This all ties in with my road trip because my mom got it in to her head that the best thing for my dad and I is to spend time sharing the road trip together. I am very much my father's daughter, and I know she wants me to recognize that. My mom understands how much my dad and I could get along if we just truly understood that we are alike in so many ways. Our disagreements are what he and I probably tend to focus on... and it's not even like those are disagreements... it's just that we are so stubborn in practically the exact same ways. We build walls that are endless because we rarely take the time to recognize the futility of building that sort of structure. My dad and I both know we won't do the entire road trip together... but we both know that we could maybe, just maybe, do it for a good month or so.
I wonder if it's something she had wished to do with her dad. To truly both recognize the brilliant things about one another that could be the best inheritance to pass on from person to person. And my grandfather is still around... it's just that he's not the man he once was. Talking to my dad this evening, I cried at the table in expressing how lucky I felt that I still have him in my life. I really hope that sentence doesn't make any of the people I care about feel bad. But so many of my loved ones have lost their fathers. I am beyond fortunate that I still have this time with him. How can I stand to waste it?!
We really are so much alike. Beyond our stubborness, there's the love for running and movement; my newfound love of soccer; the unquenchable wanderlust. We are both ambitious, and believe in finding joy in what we do, even if sometimes we don't seem the happiest. I think we're both very direct, while also being conscious of others. Which means that sometimes we are blunt to the point of hurting people we care about, but it's only because we care about them so much. We just both sometimes think we know the best way to do things. And we both have a hard time admitting that other ways work too.
And yet I am very much like my mom too. She is better than me; I feel that she is the most loving person I know. Not to say that she doesn't have her faults (though it beats me to try and think of any) but she will scrounge up so much love for everyone. She is so generous with her heart. I know I am a good person too. But I will always strive to be a better person in order to be even partly comparable to my mom. I feel I can let out a lot of my more negative observations to her. This provides good release, but I think everyone at one point or another needs to let out their very human frustrations to another human being. It is the search for someone who truly understands what you're going through, even if fo ronly half a second. I feel I can articulate my thoughts to my mom, in a way that is hard to do with anyone else. And yet it's sad that sometimes I don't share everything I'm going through; my mom always makes me feel like she would listen forever. She just loves me that much!
I find that sometimes I do that for my friends. I will find that I can listen to them sharing details about how they think, and how they process loved ones actions and words, and I can just get this heartfelt feeling about who they are. I feel I get this from my mom.
My parents are both absolutely wonderful people. Sometimes I have a hard time thinking about who I am, and then I realize that I am a blend of them. I'm a blend of the good and bad, and that mix is so utterly unique, and yet so completely similar to them, that I have no doubts about who I come from. And who I be is shaped so much by who I come from. I feel like a sculpture from clay; my basic form has been determined, but it is up to my fire of life experience to formulate who I am becoming. If you start with a good shape, you have the best chance of surviving the fire intact, and with a beautiful glaze. I hope the temperature I set makes their artistry worthwhile. Damn, I love metaphor.
To get to practicalities of the road trip... I'm meeting with my boss on Monday to discuss "the way I'd like my life to shape." I am apprehensive for sure, but I'm really excited to talk with her and get her opinion on some of the things I'm dreaming. I'd like to be responsible to my loyalties and my future goals, and I think I can draw a defining line, I just would appreciate her input on the feasability of it all. Cause really, who knows. Isn't the way to make god laugh, to tell him your plans? That always scares me. But why should I be afraid of anything life has to offer? I really shouldn't.
I want a good life, and I will give serious thought to what will make a good life for me. I thank everyone who contributes to both my shape and my fire. Thank you.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Monday, January 7, 2008
Busses and Dates
Okay, I've got about fifteen minutes left of my lunch, but I wanted to post before another day went by...
I checked out a 1973 VW Westfalia Friday on my lunch break... and the more research I've done subsequent to viewing that particular bus, the more I'm realizing what a gem it is! There's very little rust, but if I go back I'll need to scurry under the bus and check out the front-axle. According to the research I've done that can be a problem spot. But it's in good condition, the engine looks very clean, and Brad - the guy who's selling it - bought it off of a mechanic who'd had it for years... so it was well maintained. The inside is very clean too, but I'd probably embark on a reupholstery project to give it more of a SashaStamp. Seriously though, it's in great shape! Brad was very helpful and honest, I'd told him it was the first bus I'd looked at, and he told me what things to look for while shopping, and showed me where to look on this bus.
I do feel like I could benefit from a more experienced opinion though. Probably I'll call up my buddy Nate; he and I haven't spoken in a number of months - not for any bad reason, but more that's just how life works out sometimes - so it'd be a good reason to give him a holler. Anyway, that's on my agenda... If his schedule permits, maybe I can get him over to check it out this weekend. I'll have the money completely saved up by mid-February, and I might see about getting a loan so that I can get it sooner (I've already got 50%, and my bonus at the end of January will cover another 30%...) I guess I'm just worried that Brad will decide not to sell it - he commented that he half-heartedly tries to sell it every few months, but nostalgia sometimes causes him to take his ads down.
Anyway, so that's the bus update!
After the morning run with my ladies on Saturday, I took the bus (public - not VW) downtown to the library to look up travel books. I found quite a few, and got some ideas on places I want to see. Unfortunately I appear to have taken that notebook out of my purse, so I can't write too much detail... But Road Trip USA is great. It gives different routes along major highways, but has an interesting blend of things to do and see.
The way I envision the trip, I'll probably hit the road for a few weeks, and then come home to say Hi and see loved ones (especially Miss Daphne, since she's not much of a driving cat) for a long weekend and then hit the road again. My first trip will probably be headed East; I'd like to see Chicago and the Great Lakes, and then I'll head down along the Mississippi and head down to Florida. I'd like some sun and sandy beaches!
Also, I've started thinking about my leave date. Given the number of times that 306 has turned up in my life (uncanny and possibly uninteresting story to most) I think that March 6th 2009 is my target leave date. This is hard, cause I know I will want to take off earlier. My last day of work (whether at my current job or with a restaurant) will be February 28, to give me time to spend getting ready to leave. If I do get the bus soon, I'll take some practice trips on long weekends and camping this summer. It'll be so much fun! By the by, the bus sleeps 4 adults, though maybe not that many comfortably. If at any point while I'm gone people want to meet up for a trip, I'd be happy for the company I'm sure.
I should dash, lunch is up!
Cheers,
Sasha
I checked out a 1973 VW Westfalia Friday on my lunch break... and the more research I've done subsequent to viewing that particular bus, the more I'm realizing what a gem it is! There's very little rust, but if I go back I'll need to scurry under the bus and check out the front-axle. According to the research I've done that can be a problem spot. But it's in good condition, the engine looks very clean, and Brad - the guy who's selling it - bought it off of a mechanic who'd had it for years... so it was well maintained. The inside is very clean too, but I'd probably embark on a reupholstery project to give it more of a SashaStamp. Seriously though, it's in great shape! Brad was very helpful and honest, I'd told him it was the first bus I'd looked at, and he told me what things to look for while shopping, and showed me where to look on this bus.
I do feel like I could benefit from a more experienced opinion though. Probably I'll call up my buddy Nate; he and I haven't spoken in a number of months - not for any bad reason, but more that's just how life works out sometimes - so it'd be a good reason to give him a holler. Anyway, that's on my agenda... If his schedule permits, maybe I can get him over to check it out this weekend. I'll have the money completely saved up by mid-February, and I might see about getting a loan so that I can get it sooner (I've already got 50%, and my bonus at the end of January will cover another 30%...) I guess I'm just worried that Brad will decide not to sell it - he commented that he half-heartedly tries to sell it every few months, but nostalgia sometimes causes him to take his ads down.
Anyway, so that's the bus update!
After the morning run with my ladies on Saturday, I took the bus (public - not VW) downtown to the library to look up travel books. I found quite a few, and got some ideas on places I want to see. Unfortunately I appear to have taken that notebook out of my purse, so I can't write too much detail... But Road Trip USA is great. It gives different routes along major highways, but has an interesting blend of things to do and see.
The way I envision the trip, I'll probably hit the road for a few weeks, and then come home to say Hi and see loved ones (especially Miss Daphne, since she's not much of a driving cat) for a long weekend and then hit the road again. My first trip will probably be headed East; I'd like to see Chicago and the Great Lakes, and then I'll head down along the Mississippi and head down to Florida. I'd like some sun and sandy beaches!
Also, I've started thinking about my leave date. Given the number of times that 306 has turned up in my life (uncanny and possibly uninteresting story to most) I think that March 6th 2009 is my target leave date. This is hard, cause I know I will want to take off earlier. My last day of work (whether at my current job or with a restaurant) will be February 28, to give me time to spend getting ready to leave. If I do get the bus soon, I'll take some practice trips on long weekends and camping this summer. It'll be so much fun! By the by, the bus sleeps 4 adults, though maybe not that many comfortably. If at any point while I'm gone people want to meet up for a trip, I'd be happy for the company I'm sure.
I should dash, lunch is up!
Cheers,
Sasha
Friday, January 4, 2008
Websites that will help the documentary aspect...
This blog will also be a way for me to keep track of some of the things I hope to do while on the trip... I'll share the information I'm compiling, so that the people following my progress (loved ones, new friends, and strangers alike) have some idea of my goals. The more open I am about those, the more likely I feel it is I will accomplish them.
In journaling my trip, I was hoping to compile personal writings that I could use for future radio documentaries (I love http://www.thisamericanlife.com/) or even any books or essays I might want to write/attempt in the future. For my birthday, thanks to my brother Geoff, I got a digital voice recorder... I like it a lot, though I wish I'd put more research into it. This American Life directs those new to radio (like myself) to Transom.org's tool site (http://www.transom.org/tools/index.php). Unfortunately, there I learned that another girl is ALSO taking a road trip with similar goals and aspirations, and for a longer time. Though my goals no longer feel original, it's really no bother as I'm sure that this has been done numerous times before. But each and every one of us who embark on such a journey will come away with unique and different experiences, and this one is my story.
Every day since I committed to this idea (so, since about 2:30 on 12/31/07) I've woken up feeling peaceful and joyous. I love it! There's just SO MUCH TO DO!
Still have a few hours before I check out Bus #1, and only a few minutes before my break ends... But I found a site for extended road trips by a family that has been on the road for 15 years! Check it out at http://www.activated-storytellers.com/travel_tips_for_families.html. And please, send along any links to things that you think will help me, or let me know of any books that I should read. I'll be headed to the library this weekend, and any titles or authors would be great!
Cheers, Sasha
P.S. Just found a site I want to investigate at my leisure: http://www.roadtripamerica.com/index.htm YES!
In journaling my trip, I was hoping to compile personal writings that I could use for future radio documentaries (I love http://www.thisamericanlife.com/) or even any books or essays I might want to write/attempt in the future. For my birthday, thanks to my brother Geoff, I got a digital voice recorder... I like it a lot, though I wish I'd put more research into it. This American Life directs those new to radio (like myself) to Transom.org's tool site (http://www.transom.org/tools/index.php). Unfortunately, there I learned that another girl is ALSO taking a road trip with similar goals and aspirations, and for a longer time. Though my goals no longer feel original, it's really no bother as I'm sure that this has been done numerous times before. But each and every one of us who embark on such a journey will come away with unique and different experiences, and this one is my story.
Every day since I committed to this idea (so, since about 2:30 on 12/31/07) I've woken up feeling peaceful and joyous. I love it! There's just SO MUCH TO DO!
Still have a few hours before I check out Bus #1, and only a few minutes before my break ends... But I found a site for extended road trips by a family that has been on the road for 15 years! Check it out at http://www.activated-storytellers.com/travel_tips_for_families.html. And please, send along any links to things that you think will help me, or let me know of any books that I should read. I'll be headed to the library this weekend, and any titles or authors would be great!
Cheers, Sasha
P.S. Just found a site I want to investigate at my leisure: http://www.roadtripamerica.com/index.htm YES!
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Every journey begins...
Over the years, I've occasionally thought about getting a VW bus and seeing the country. Though I would talk about it the chance I would actually do so was slim to none. After a particularly restless end to 2007, I realized I would have to do something in order to learn some important things about myself, and the bus trip fantasy seemed as good a thing to try as any.
I really don't know what I hope to find; it could be inspiration, it could be spirituality, it could be the knowledge that I should be doing what I'm doing now. Could be anything, everything, and nothing, but it would be a challenging adventure for sure.
My plan is to leave in 2009, as the winter chill starts to fade into the coming spring. In the meantime, I'm going to continue with my job, though I will be talking this over with my boss soon. I have a strong desire to give my best for what remains of my time there; I plan to work as a server for a few months before I hit the road... I imagine I'll leave employment (and my wonderful and supportive boss) by the end of this year. It's sad really, I love the people I work with and it's a wonderful company. But I worry about the long-term fit. Maybe when I'm done with my trip, or after I spend a few years in self-discovery, I'll be in a better place to give them what they deserve of me, and I really hope that it might work out.
I know some of my friends and loved ones will be skeptical that I'll actually go on this journey. Unfortunately, I've not been the best at following through on plans. But when I'm serious about something, then, well, I'm pretty dang serious.
Running started me on this. I don't fully remember how I got started running --which is strange-- but I know that it's been teaching me how to set goals, and how to push myself and do the things I want to do.
This really feels like the next step for me. The planning and preparing for the trip will help as well; I've already begun lists of things that I need or need to learn how to do. There's a sense of calm in my heart that I hope I may maintain some sort of grasp on for the years to come.
Tomorrow I'm checking out my first possible bus. I wouldn't be able to afford it until about mid-February, but that's fine. It will give me time to research others and discover what questions I should be asking and what I should be looking for when shopping around. If anyone can give me any tips on shopping for the right VW bus (or point me in a direction for what I need to know) then I would definitely appreciate it!
I anticipate using this as a means to keep my friends updated when I'm on the road, but also to explain how I got to where I'll get. Make sense? I need to record it some way, and this, well, it will be fun for me.
Cheers and best wishes,
Sasha
I really don't know what I hope to find; it could be inspiration, it could be spirituality, it could be the knowledge that I should be doing what I'm doing now. Could be anything, everything, and nothing, but it would be a challenging adventure for sure.
My plan is to leave in 2009, as the winter chill starts to fade into the coming spring. In the meantime, I'm going to continue with my job, though I will be talking this over with my boss soon. I have a strong desire to give my best for what remains of my time there; I plan to work as a server for a few months before I hit the road... I imagine I'll leave employment (and my wonderful and supportive boss) by the end of this year. It's sad really, I love the people I work with and it's a wonderful company. But I worry about the long-term fit. Maybe when I'm done with my trip, or after I spend a few years in self-discovery, I'll be in a better place to give them what they deserve of me, and I really hope that it might work out.
I know some of my friends and loved ones will be skeptical that I'll actually go on this journey. Unfortunately, I've not been the best at following through on plans. But when I'm serious about something, then, well, I'm pretty dang serious.
Running started me on this. I don't fully remember how I got started running --which is strange-- but I know that it's been teaching me how to set goals, and how to push myself and do the things I want to do.
This really feels like the next step for me. The planning and preparing for the trip will help as well; I've already begun lists of things that I need or need to learn how to do. There's a sense of calm in my heart that I hope I may maintain some sort of grasp on for the years to come.
Tomorrow I'm checking out my first possible bus. I wouldn't be able to afford it until about mid-February, but that's fine. It will give me time to research others and discover what questions I should be asking and what I should be looking for when shopping around. If anyone can give me any tips on shopping for the right VW bus (or point me in a direction for what I need to know) then I would definitely appreciate it!
I anticipate using this as a means to keep my friends updated when I'm on the road, but also to explain how I got to where I'll get. Make sense? I need to record it some way, and this, well, it will be fun for me.
Cheers and best wishes,
Sasha
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
