...it would be totally dead right now. Unless it were a cactus, those things thrive on neglect.
Anyway! So, HOWDY! Life's been full of changes. Quit my job. Tried out unemployment for about 96 hours before exploring the world of blueberry farming. Season wrapped up, was unemployed for 48 hours, then got a job in a non-profit.
And now? Now I'm thinking about making that work if I can do it and be happy. And if it doesn't work? If I'm not happy? Well, hmm.
I went to brunch the other day with a guy who regularly takes off in his Westy. I know that there are ways to incorporate road trips with working, and it really comes down to a good fit and making smart choices.
The biggest thing I've learned? That there's no need to figure it all out right this second. Whew. That was easy.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Ch-ch-ch-changes!
Hello my friends,
Well. Wow, where to start?!? With the bus trip for sure.
So much has been happening in my life recently. One of the goals of my trip was to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I'd been steadily waking up to the fact that my position was not the best fit, at least in terms of providing the challenges that keep me excited and eager to head in to work. As I wasn't meeting those needs for challenge in my job, I began volunteering.
Volunteering is fantastic! It's the best way I've found to give back to my community, which I have loved a looooooong time. That's right Bellingham, I'd sleep with you every night if I could... it's just sometimes I want to spend the night some place else. Sue me.
Anyway, volunteering has opened my eyes up. So much, that I'm afraid to sneeze for fear my eyes will fly out of my head! What all this means - in terms of the road trip - is that I feel good working for non-profits.
One non-profit in particular I find so completely inspiring. I want to learn all that I can about them! They've inadvertantly also set me on a path I'd like to explore... developing a non-profit for neighboring Skagit County that can help increase awareness of Skagit farmers, while facilitating many of the connections that will maintain a sustainable community.
I love bringing people together. My head is this great filing cabinet that stores away information that often proves useful. "Oh Jackson, you're intereted in starting a downhill inner-tubing club? My friend Bertha is an avid downhill inner-tuber, and she could help you get that started! At the very least, you two might want to have dinner together, I think she's your type." Okay, no, I've never set anyone up romantically... but when I somebody says they're looking for a painter, I give them the number of a painter I know. I like giving him business, and I know that he'll do a great job at a reasonable price. My parents, whenever they mention a major home project, I burst with ideas, many of which they'd appreciate, and many of which can also be completed with the help of people I've met since moving back to town three years ago.
Yeah, Skagit, it ain't exactly Bellingham. But it's beautiful down there, and it sounds like there's a need. I'm applying for some AmeriCorps positions to learn more about the operations of non-profits, and I'm interested to see if positions are flexible enough to allow me a regular time each week in which I can volunteer within the community.
Soooo, bus trip temporarily on hold. With gas becoming such a hot commodity, I don't mind that. Leaving my current employment 5 months ahead of schedule throws a wrench in the finances, and when I'm only earning about 35% of my current income, I'm not inclined to spend money on something that isn't doing the world a whole lotta good anyway.
On top of these directional changes, my car got a death sentence from the mechanic. It's still running, but I feel as though it's on borrowed time. Soooo... what do I do? I've contemplated selling the bus. If I can get what I paid, then combined with my current savings I can do a savings-secured loan and pick up a used subaru. I'd still be able to live out of that for the trip... or if I postpone the trip a few years I can keep my eyes peeled for a diesel and use biodiesel on my trip, which would make me very happy indeed.
When I tell people that the trip plans are changing, I get the sense that they think it's not going to happen. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Cause let's face it, when I set my mind on doing something, I'll do it, unless it compromises the safety and happiness of myself and others.
So... as my heart is urging me to discover what I can do within the bounds of my community, that's what I'm going to do.
More later, gentle readers, I promise. (Later meaning a few days, so please keep your panties untwisted if you're obsessively checking for updates this evening.)
;-) s.
Well. Wow, where to start?!? With the bus trip for sure.
So much has been happening in my life recently. One of the goals of my trip was to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I'd been steadily waking up to the fact that my position was not the best fit, at least in terms of providing the challenges that keep me excited and eager to head in to work. As I wasn't meeting those needs for challenge in my job, I began volunteering.
Volunteering is fantastic! It's the best way I've found to give back to my community, which I have loved a looooooong time. That's right Bellingham, I'd sleep with you every night if I could... it's just sometimes I want to spend the night some place else. Sue me.
Anyway, volunteering has opened my eyes up. So much, that I'm afraid to sneeze for fear my eyes will fly out of my head! What all this means - in terms of the road trip - is that I feel good working for non-profits.
One non-profit in particular I find so completely inspiring. I want to learn all that I can about them! They've inadvertantly also set me on a path I'd like to explore... developing a non-profit for neighboring Skagit County that can help increase awareness of Skagit farmers, while facilitating many of the connections that will maintain a sustainable community.
I love bringing people together. My head is this great filing cabinet that stores away information that often proves useful. "Oh Jackson, you're intereted in starting a downhill inner-tubing club? My friend Bertha is an avid downhill inner-tuber, and she could help you get that started! At the very least, you two might want to have dinner together, I think she's your type." Okay, no, I've never set anyone up romantically... but when I somebody says they're looking for a painter, I give them the number of a painter I know. I like giving him business, and I know that he'll do a great job at a reasonable price. My parents, whenever they mention a major home project, I burst with ideas, many of which they'd appreciate, and many of which can also be completed with the help of people I've met since moving back to town three years ago.
Yeah, Skagit, it ain't exactly Bellingham. But it's beautiful down there, and it sounds like there's a need. I'm applying for some AmeriCorps positions to learn more about the operations of non-profits, and I'm interested to see if positions are flexible enough to allow me a regular time each week in which I can volunteer within the community.
Soooo, bus trip temporarily on hold. With gas becoming such a hot commodity, I don't mind that. Leaving my current employment 5 months ahead of schedule throws a wrench in the finances, and when I'm only earning about 35% of my current income, I'm not inclined to spend money on something that isn't doing the world a whole lotta good anyway.
On top of these directional changes, my car got a death sentence from the mechanic. It's still running, but I feel as though it's on borrowed time. Soooo... what do I do? I've contemplated selling the bus. If I can get what I paid, then combined with my current savings I can do a savings-secured loan and pick up a used subaru. I'd still be able to live out of that for the trip... or if I postpone the trip a few years I can keep my eyes peeled for a diesel and use biodiesel on my trip, which would make me very happy indeed.
When I tell people that the trip plans are changing, I get the sense that they think it's not going to happen. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Cause let's face it, when I set my mind on doing something, I'll do it, unless it compromises the safety and happiness of myself and others.
So... as my heart is urging me to discover what I can do within the bounds of my community, that's what I'm going to do.
More later, gentle readers, I promise. (Later meaning a few days, so please keep your panties untwisted if you're obsessively checking for updates this evening.)
;-) s.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
A lot has been happening...
...too much to write at this moment, and there are some changes afoot. I'll write more, soon, and explain. I promise!
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Shaping the trip
Hello everyone,
I've started volunteering with some organizations I admire in the area, and it's helping to further shape the direction of my trip. It appears I haven't been writing about some of the things I'm thinking about... so let me bring you up to speed!
I'm hoping to network with similar non-profits in communities that are comparable to Bellingham... and perhaps even a few that aren't, but from whom I can learn more that will benefit our community. This will help to bring a greater purpose to my trip, and does mean I'll need to do some planning for a route. I'll still allow myself some chunks of time to just explore, and I'll still come back to Bellingham periodically to visit with friends and family (and just to visit Bellingham in general, I love it so much!).
I do find myself wishing that I'd found a diesel van though. I went to the Chuckanut Radio Hour's taping on Earth Day that featured Doug Fine, and he mentioned how he'd converted his diesel truck to run off of used cooking oil... without even having to convert it into biodiesel! Think about how wonderful that would be. I would be travelling, but would be reusing other resources, rather than consuming gas. Makes me wonder what would be involved in switching out my engine and making the conversion? Perhaps too much work and money, but it only costs time to look into it... so we'll see!
Anyway, my to-do list is growing as I come up with more ideas of what I'd like to get from this trip. I'll need to record a list of the things I hope to accomplish... and I still need to write down my list of things needed for the trip. One of my best friends (Kira) offered to keep her eyes peeled for items as garage sale season hits; and as I'd prefer to get everything second-hand, time is of the essence. :-)
Alrighty, enough for this morning.
Cheers,
Sasha
I've started volunteering with some organizations I admire in the area, and it's helping to further shape the direction of my trip. It appears I haven't been writing about some of the things I'm thinking about... so let me bring you up to speed!
I'm hoping to network with similar non-profits in communities that are comparable to Bellingham... and perhaps even a few that aren't, but from whom I can learn more that will benefit our community. This will help to bring a greater purpose to my trip, and does mean I'll need to do some planning for a route. I'll still allow myself some chunks of time to just explore, and I'll still come back to Bellingham periodically to visit with friends and family (and just to visit Bellingham in general, I love it so much!).
I do find myself wishing that I'd found a diesel van though. I went to the Chuckanut Radio Hour's taping on Earth Day that featured Doug Fine, and he mentioned how he'd converted his diesel truck to run off of used cooking oil... without even having to convert it into biodiesel! Think about how wonderful that would be. I would be travelling, but would be reusing other resources, rather than consuming gas. Makes me wonder what would be involved in switching out my engine and making the conversion? Perhaps too much work and money, but it only costs time to look into it... so we'll see!
Anyway, my to-do list is growing as I come up with more ideas of what I'd like to get from this trip. I'll need to record a list of the things I hope to accomplish... and I still need to write down my list of things needed for the trip. One of my best friends (Kira) offered to keep her eyes peeled for items as garage sale season hits; and as I'd prefer to get everything second-hand, time is of the essence. :-)
Alrighty, enough for this morning.
Cheers,
Sasha
Monday, April 21, 2008
Transportation purchases abound...
Another planned joy of my journey... I'd like to stay some places for a few days or more at a time, and I don't really want to drive when I'm staying in plalces like national parks.
So I got a bike! It's used, and I spent the weekend cruising around town in it, and I am so excited! Besides, there's the added benefit that I'll be better to the environment, and better to myself using it in the meantime. And the money that I'd be spending on gas? I can save it for the trip!
Anyway. Had to share my excitement! Gotta go eat lunch, I am hungry!
So I got a bike! It's used, and I spent the weekend cruising around town in it, and I am so excited! Besides, there's the added benefit that I'll be better to the environment, and better to myself using it in the meantime. And the money that I'd be spending on gas? I can save it for the trip!
Anyway. Had to share my excitement! Gotta go eat lunch, I am hungry!
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Geek Alert!
Okay. It's true.
On my break, I started looking around on google maps as part of a facebook application (was tracking where I've been, as well as some places I want to go to) and started zooming in to find more places I've visited in England. Anyway, I've discovered I frickin' adore maps.
When I was young, I would entertain myself looking at fictional maps (such as those in the Redwall series and Sweet Pickle books). And I've always wanted a classy second-hand globe from a flea market. But I realize too that maps will help me tremendously when I'm on my road trip. Cause duh. It's good to not be lost.
Some people have suggested having GPS in my bus... but I don't really want to go that route. Far easier to accidentally get lost using a paper map than when using something that knows your location. It's only when we get lost that we're given an easy opportunity to find ourselves. Everyone takes a few wrong turns on the way to getting somewhere, but that presents an excellent time to appreciate when we arrive at our destination! If it was an easy route, what do we learn? Sometimes easy is just, well, a little boring.
Besides, as long as I have my sense of direction, I'll always be able to find my way home. That's what matters the most, isn't it? That I get where I'm going and that I make it home?
Anyway. I'm excited to track where I go, and to keep this more updated than it has been. I've been driving my bus around, mainly to go and watch sunsets. I need to learn more about the engine, cause I think there are definitely some things that need fixing. I'd like to get the urgent matters attended to before I start doing weekend excursions with friends, and I think I'll begin those in May, so I want to get on this.
Dad offered some muffler wraps which should buy me some time before replacing the muffler, I'll apply that this weekend. That will make my ride quieter at least! I'm also going to need to get some new seals for the rear, and fix the back hatch (which doesn't open, the latch is broken)... with all the rain and snow and bizarreness weather-wise, I've discovered that water leaks in and soaks my pillows. Not good, I say, not good at all. I still love the bus though. It's a beauty, it's stinky, it's loud, it's me.
Anyway, should grab a bite before lunch is up! Let me leave you with a picture!
On my break, I started looking around on google maps as part of a facebook application (was tracking where I've been, as well as some places I want to go to) and started zooming in to find more places I've visited in England. Anyway, I've discovered I frickin' adore maps.
When I was young, I would entertain myself looking at fictional maps (such as those in the Redwall series and Sweet Pickle books). And I've always wanted a classy second-hand globe from a flea market. But I realize too that maps will help me tremendously when I'm on my road trip. Cause duh. It's good to not be lost.
Some people have suggested having GPS in my bus... but I don't really want to go that route. Far easier to accidentally get lost using a paper map than when using something that knows your location. It's only when we get lost that we're given an easy opportunity to find ourselves. Everyone takes a few wrong turns on the way to getting somewhere, but that presents an excellent time to appreciate when we arrive at our destination! If it was an easy route, what do we learn? Sometimes easy is just, well, a little boring.
Besides, as long as I have my sense of direction, I'll always be able to find my way home. That's what matters the most, isn't it? That I get where I'm going and that I make it home?
Anyway. I'm excited to track where I go, and to keep this more updated than it has been. I've been driving my bus around, mainly to go and watch sunsets. I need to learn more about the engine, cause I think there are definitely some things that need fixing. I'd like to get the urgent matters attended to before I start doing weekend excursions with friends, and I think I'll begin those in May, so I want to get on this.
Dad offered some muffler wraps which should buy me some time before replacing the muffler, I'll apply that this weekend. That will make my ride quieter at least! I'm also going to need to get some new seals for the rear, and fix the back hatch (which doesn't open, the latch is broken)... with all the rain and snow and bizarreness weather-wise, I've discovered that water leaks in and soaks my pillows. Not good, I say, not good at all. I still love the bus though. It's a beauty, it's stinky, it's loud, it's me.
Anyway, should grab a bite before lunch is up! Let me leave you with a picture!
Friday, March 21, 2008
Pictures of the Bus!
Here's the beauty!
Daphne wanted the first spin... but she couldn't reach the pedals or see over the wheel. Unless she finds the Alice In Wonderland pill that makes her big, she'll just have to settle for hanging out.
Does it look like I'm groping the bus? Cause that's certainly what it seems like I was doing.
Yup, I'm stoked!
The first day of spriiiing...
..I got a bus!
Only have pics on my cell phone, and appear to be having difficulties with the posting, even with the "mobile blogging" tips page. Oh sigh!
But believe me, as *soon* as I get it figured out... you can see the pictures. I promise!
Much love and happiness, on this, the first day of spring,
(well, it was until twenty-four minutes ago)
Sasha
Proud owner of an Aqua 1973 Westfalia
It's a sweet ride.
Only have pics on my cell phone, and appear to be having difficulties with the posting, even with the "mobile blogging" tips page. Oh sigh!
But believe me, as *soon* as I get it figured out... you can see the pictures. I promise!
Much love and happiness, on this, the first day of spring,
(well, it was until twenty-four minutes ago)
Sasha
Proud owner of an Aqua 1973 Westfalia
It's a sweet ride.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Motivators
http://xkcd.com/ It's funny and moving and true.
This particular one captures the essence of my game plan... To explore whatever feels the most interesting, and learn about myself in the process. Though I'm not inclined to take myself through a tear in the universe just to make out with myself. Maybe.
Anyway, I should try to blog more, and I will. Soon. When I make the time for it!
At the very least I'm going to post a to-do list soon. I'd looooove feedback on things I may not have thought of, but sure as heck should consider.
Peace, s.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
The word is out now...
I met with my boss yesterday, and it truly went well. I felt I was able to articulate the ways I think this trip will help me develop, what that would mean for the company, and that I believe I will be better prepared to handle anything that comes my way for following this dream. She was excited for me, and optimistic that perhaps a leave could be arranged, but I've since received word from HR that it'll likely work out that I resign when preparing to leave. I'll have a leg up on other applicants due to my history with the company, but they can't make any guarantees. Completely understandable, and honestly, what I expected.
So, I am disappointed that my plan couldn't be ideal... that I couldn't just leave and know that a spot is awaiting me... But isn't part of life recognizing that it changes? That we can't expect to leave, and come back different, and hope that everything else has remained the same... For all I know, I might receive more of a calling while on the road... Even though I doubt that I'll choose to live anywhere else, I certainly don't KNOW that no other place will appeal. It's just that home is where the heart is, and my heart is in Bellingham (and greater Western Washington at the very least).
I know in an earlier post I may have thought that it'd be a few years until I return to my company... But I truly love it. I like what it stands for, and the people who work here, and the services it provides to our community. I feel that in discovering everything that I am capable of, I could help it to succeed in its goals and dreams. Okay, that sounds sappy... But it's true. I will have to take time to learn though, and time to grow...
In a way, this is the post-graduation trip I never took. I didn't want to go and spend a ton of money at a point when I didn't know what I was doing, or how best to meet my needs and wants... and this ultimately (ideally?) will be cheaper than any long trip I'd have taken in the past. This pursuit of happiness (though I know that happiness is not something you chase, but more a by-product of doing other things) is something I'm REALLY looking forward to. I've still got a lot of prep, but it is so worth it.
So, I am disappointed that my plan couldn't be ideal... that I couldn't just leave and know that a spot is awaiting me... But isn't part of life recognizing that it changes? That we can't expect to leave, and come back different, and hope that everything else has remained the same... For all I know, I might receive more of a calling while on the road... Even though I doubt that I'll choose to live anywhere else, I certainly don't KNOW that no other place will appeal. It's just that home is where the heart is, and my heart is in Bellingham (and greater Western Washington at the very least).
I know in an earlier post I may have thought that it'd be a few years until I return to my company... But I truly love it. I like what it stands for, and the people who work here, and the services it provides to our community. I feel that in discovering everything that I am capable of, I could help it to succeed in its goals and dreams. Okay, that sounds sappy... But it's true. I will have to take time to learn though, and time to grow...
In a way, this is the post-graduation trip I never took. I didn't want to go and spend a ton of money at a point when I didn't know what I was doing, or how best to meet my needs and wants... and this ultimately (ideally?) will be cheaper than any long trip I'd have taken in the past. This pursuit of happiness (though I know that happiness is not something you chase, but more a by-product of doing other things) is something I'm REALLY looking forward to. I've still got a lot of prep, but it is so worth it.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
I love my parents.
So... I got home after a long day of work, and I joined my folks at the table. They were into a bottle of wine, and so I poured a glass to join them. I always take great pleasure from sitting down at the table with them. Sometimes, I know I'm not in the best mood to appreciate it, but I know how lucky I am to enjoy the conversations I have with them. Fortunately, today was one of the lucky days!
We started out talking about interesting subjects... My dad was curious about how young people today spoke with one another about their sexuality. I have always loved how open my parents are to different lifestyles... I think I know some reasons about that; ultimately it comes down to character... My parents are simply intelligent, accepting people. Everything good about me I credit them for, and my bad traits are simply character traits that I am working to improve (though with that my mom will say I don't give myself enough credit - that's how supportive a person she is).
The thing is, I'm aware of my limitations and short-comings, and I feel bad about those. There are so many ways in which I'd like to be a better person... whether it's about being a better friend or a better daughter; or whether it's about being the best I can be in order to realize my full potential. I believe that learning and following through on the things that will be best for me is the greatest gift I can give myself and the people who love me unconditionally. Why shouldn't we all strive to recognize and realize the best that we can be?
To love is an action verb. Paraphrasing Stephen Covey, "to love is a verb... It is the act of love that leads to the feeling of love." I believe strongly that if we siply show people our love for them then we will feel the love for them. In doing little things for my mom and dad (like bringing up the beer from the garage!) I can show them how much I love them. It's about being aware of the ways in which we can make people happy. I may not be able to have been straight-A or a star athlete, but that doesn't even matter. I am very different from a lot of people, and yet I have th ebest of their traits! How lucky am I?!?!
My dad is so fascinating. He simply does the things that make him feel happy; he goes to concerts, lectures, various civic meetings that spark his fire, and simply takes joy in the things that life is about. He makes it so much easier to do the things in which I take joy, and to take joy in the things that I do. I credit him for the fact that I find joy in activity, I like to DO! I like to MOVE! I love to be outside, and in movement and to do so with a sense of purpose. When he first came to the states from England, he hitch-hiked around, and saw the Americas.
Which brings me to my mom. She is amazing. When one of my cousins was preparing for her first child, she consulted my mom for parenting advice. In raising my brother and I (and in some capacity, perhaps my half-siblings, her step-children) she wanted to give us respect in the best way... to treat us as she would any other human being on this planet; with Humor, Integrity, and Compassion, or what she called (quite wonderfully) her "HIC" method. She is so understanding about the important things in life. She seems to truly understand that the most important thing is to connect with people; to love someone so fully, that you just want them to enjoy the time and company of someone else you really love.
This all ties in with my road trip because my mom got it in to her head that the best thing for my dad and I is to spend time sharing the road trip together. I am very much my father's daughter, and I know she wants me to recognize that. My mom understands how much my dad and I could get along if we just truly understood that we are alike in so many ways. Our disagreements are what he and I probably tend to focus on... and it's not even like those are disagreements... it's just that we are so stubborn in practically the exact same ways. We build walls that are endless because we rarely take the time to recognize the futility of building that sort of structure. My dad and I both know we won't do the entire road trip together... but we both know that we could maybe, just maybe, do it for a good month or so.
I wonder if it's something she had wished to do with her dad. To truly both recognize the brilliant things about one another that could be the best inheritance to pass on from person to person. And my grandfather is still around... it's just that he's not the man he once was. Talking to my dad this evening, I cried at the table in expressing how lucky I felt that I still have him in my life. I really hope that sentence doesn't make any of the people I care about feel bad. But so many of my loved ones have lost their fathers. I am beyond fortunate that I still have this time with him. How can I stand to waste it?!
We really are so much alike. Beyond our stubborness, there's the love for running and movement; my newfound love of soccer; the unquenchable wanderlust. We are both ambitious, and believe in finding joy in what we do, even if sometimes we don't seem the happiest. I think we're both very direct, while also being conscious of others. Which means that sometimes we are blunt to the point of hurting people we care about, but it's only because we care about them so much. We just both sometimes think we know the best way to do things. And we both have a hard time admitting that other ways work too.
And yet I am very much like my mom too. She is better than me; I feel that she is the most loving person I know. Not to say that she doesn't have her faults (though it beats me to try and think of any) but she will scrounge up so much love for everyone. She is so generous with her heart. I know I am a good person too. But I will always strive to be a better person in order to be even partly comparable to my mom. I feel I can let out a lot of my more negative observations to her. This provides good release, but I think everyone at one point or another needs to let out their very human frustrations to another human being. It is the search for someone who truly understands what you're going through, even if fo ronly half a second. I feel I can articulate my thoughts to my mom, in a way that is hard to do with anyone else. And yet it's sad that sometimes I don't share everything I'm going through; my mom always makes me feel like she would listen forever. She just loves me that much!
I find that sometimes I do that for my friends. I will find that I can listen to them sharing details about how they think, and how they process loved ones actions and words, and I can just get this heartfelt feeling about who they are. I feel I get this from my mom.
My parents are both absolutely wonderful people. Sometimes I have a hard time thinking about who I am, and then I realize that I am a blend of them. I'm a blend of the good and bad, and that mix is so utterly unique, and yet so completely similar to them, that I have no doubts about who I come from. And who I be is shaped so much by who I come from. I feel like a sculpture from clay; my basic form has been determined, but it is up to my fire of life experience to formulate who I am becoming. If you start with a good shape, you have the best chance of surviving the fire intact, and with a beautiful glaze. I hope the temperature I set makes their artistry worthwhile. Damn, I love metaphor.
To get to practicalities of the road trip... I'm meeting with my boss on Monday to discuss "the way I'd like my life to shape." I am apprehensive for sure, but I'm really excited to talk with her and get her opinion on some of the things I'm dreaming. I'd like to be responsible to my loyalties and my future goals, and I think I can draw a defining line, I just would appreciate her input on the feasability of it all. Cause really, who knows. Isn't the way to make god laugh, to tell him your plans? That always scares me. But why should I be afraid of anything life has to offer? I really shouldn't.
I want a good life, and I will give serious thought to what will make a good life for me. I thank everyone who contributes to both my shape and my fire. Thank you.
We started out talking about interesting subjects... My dad was curious about how young people today spoke with one another about their sexuality. I have always loved how open my parents are to different lifestyles... I think I know some reasons about that; ultimately it comes down to character... My parents are simply intelligent, accepting people. Everything good about me I credit them for, and my bad traits are simply character traits that I am working to improve (though with that my mom will say I don't give myself enough credit - that's how supportive a person she is).
The thing is, I'm aware of my limitations and short-comings, and I feel bad about those. There are so many ways in which I'd like to be a better person... whether it's about being a better friend or a better daughter; or whether it's about being the best I can be in order to realize my full potential. I believe that learning and following through on the things that will be best for me is the greatest gift I can give myself and the people who love me unconditionally. Why shouldn't we all strive to recognize and realize the best that we can be?
To love is an action verb. Paraphrasing Stephen Covey, "to love is a verb... It is the act of love that leads to the feeling of love." I believe strongly that if we siply show people our love for them then we will feel the love for them. In doing little things for my mom and dad (like bringing up the beer from the garage!) I can show them how much I love them. It's about being aware of the ways in which we can make people happy. I may not be able to have been straight-A or a star athlete, but that doesn't even matter. I am very different from a lot of people, and yet I have th ebest of their traits! How lucky am I?!?!
My dad is so fascinating. He simply does the things that make him feel happy; he goes to concerts, lectures, various civic meetings that spark his fire, and simply takes joy in the things that life is about. He makes it so much easier to do the things in which I take joy, and to take joy in the things that I do. I credit him for the fact that I find joy in activity, I like to DO! I like to MOVE! I love to be outside, and in movement and to do so with a sense of purpose. When he first came to the states from England, he hitch-hiked around, and saw the Americas.
Which brings me to my mom. She is amazing. When one of my cousins was preparing for her first child, she consulted my mom for parenting advice. In raising my brother and I (and in some capacity, perhaps my half-siblings, her step-children) she wanted to give us respect in the best way... to treat us as she would any other human being on this planet; with Humor, Integrity, and Compassion, or what she called (quite wonderfully) her "HIC" method. She is so understanding about the important things in life. She seems to truly understand that the most important thing is to connect with people; to love someone so fully, that you just want them to enjoy the time and company of someone else you really love.
This all ties in with my road trip because my mom got it in to her head that the best thing for my dad and I is to spend time sharing the road trip together. I am very much my father's daughter, and I know she wants me to recognize that. My mom understands how much my dad and I could get along if we just truly understood that we are alike in so many ways. Our disagreements are what he and I probably tend to focus on... and it's not even like those are disagreements... it's just that we are so stubborn in practically the exact same ways. We build walls that are endless because we rarely take the time to recognize the futility of building that sort of structure. My dad and I both know we won't do the entire road trip together... but we both know that we could maybe, just maybe, do it for a good month or so.
I wonder if it's something she had wished to do with her dad. To truly both recognize the brilliant things about one another that could be the best inheritance to pass on from person to person. And my grandfather is still around... it's just that he's not the man he once was. Talking to my dad this evening, I cried at the table in expressing how lucky I felt that I still have him in my life. I really hope that sentence doesn't make any of the people I care about feel bad. But so many of my loved ones have lost their fathers. I am beyond fortunate that I still have this time with him. How can I stand to waste it?!
We really are so much alike. Beyond our stubborness, there's the love for running and movement; my newfound love of soccer; the unquenchable wanderlust. We are both ambitious, and believe in finding joy in what we do, even if sometimes we don't seem the happiest. I think we're both very direct, while also being conscious of others. Which means that sometimes we are blunt to the point of hurting people we care about, but it's only because we care about them so much. We just both sometimes think we know the best way to do things. And we both have a hard time admitting that other ways work too.
And yet I am very much like my mom too. She is better than me; I feel that she is the most loving person I know. Not to say that she doesn't have her faults (though it beats me to try and think of any) but she will scrounge up so much love for everyone. She is so generous with her heart. I know I am a good person too. But I will always strive to be a better person in order to be even partly comparable to my mom. I feel I can let out a lot of my more negative observations to her. This provides good release, but I think everyone at one point or another needs to let out their very human frustrations to another human being. It is the search for someone who truly understands what you're going through, even if fo ronly half a second. I feel I can articulate my thoughts to my mom, in a way that is hard to do with anyone else. And yet it's sad that sometimes I don't share everything I'm going through; my mom always makes me feel like she would listen forever. She just loves me that much!
I find that sometimes I do that for my friends. I will find that I can listen to them sharing details about how they think, and how they process loved ones actions and words, and I can just get this heartfelt feeling about who they are. I feel I get this from my mom.
My parents are both absolutely wonderful people. Sometimes I have a hard time thinking about who I am, and then I realize that I am a blend of them. I'm a blend of the good and bad, and that mix is so utterly unique, and yet so completely similar to them, that I have no doubts about who I come from. And who I be is shaped so much by who I come from. I feel like a sculpture from clay; my basic form has been determined, but it is up to my fire of life experience to formulate who I am becoming. If you start with a good shape, you have the best chance of surviving the fire intact, and with a beautiful glaze. I hope the temperature I set makes their artistry worthwhile. Damn, I love metaphor.
To get to practicalities of the road trip... I'm meeting with my boss on Monday to discuss "the way I'd like my life to shape." I am apprehensive for sure, but I'm really excited to talk with her and get her opinion on some of the things I'm dreaming. I'd like to be responsible to my loyalties and my future goals, and I think I can draw a defining line, I just would appreciate her input on the feasability of it all. Cause really, who knows. Isn't the way to make god laugh, to tell him your plans? That always scares me. But why should I be afraid of anything life has to offer? I really shouldn't.
I want a good life, and I will give serious thought to what will make a good life for me. I thank everyone who contributes to both my shape and my fire. Thank you.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Busses and Dates
Okay, I've got about fifteen minutes left of my lunch, but I wanted to post before another day went by...
I checked out a 1973 VW Westfalia Friday on my lunch break... and the more research I've done subsequent to viewing that particular bus, the more I'm realizing what a gem it is! There's very little rust, but if I go back I'll need to scurry under the bus and check out the front-axle. According to the research I've done that can be a problem spot. But it's in good condition, the engine looks very clean, and Brad - the guy who's selling it - bought it off of a mechanic who'd had it for years... so it was well maintained. The inside is very clean too, but I'd probably embark on a reupholstery project to give it more of a SashaStamp. Seriously though, it's in great shape! Brad was very helpful and honest, I'd told him it was the first bus I'd looked at, and he told me what things to look for while shopping, and showed me where to look on this bus.
I do feel like I could benefit from a more experienced opinion though. Probably I'll call up my buddy Nate; he and I haven't spoken in a number of months - not for any bad reason, but more that's just how life works out sometimes - so it'd be a good reason to give him a holler. Anyway, that's on my agenda... If his schedule permits, maybe I can get him over to check it out this weekend. I'll have the money completely saved up by mid-February, and I might see about getting a loan so that I can get it sooner (I've already got 50%, and my bonus at the end of January will cover another 30%...) I guess I'm just worried that Brad will decide not to sell it - he commented that he half-heartedly tries to sell it every few months, but nostalgia sometimes causes him to take his ads down.
Anyway, so that's the bus update!
After the morning run with my ladies on Saturday, I took the bus (public - not VW) downtown to the library to look up travel books. I found quite a few, and got some ideas on places I want to see. Unfortunately I appear to have taken that notebook out of my purse, so I can't write too much detail... But Road Trip USA is great. It gives different routes along major highways, but has an interesting blend of things to do and see.
The way I envision the trip, I'll probably hit the road for a few weeks, and then come home to say Hi and see loved ones (especially Miss Daphne, since she's not much of a driving cat) for a long weekend and then hit the road again. My first trip will probably be headed East; I'd like to see Chicago and the Great Lakes, and then I'll head down along the Mississippi and head down to Florida. I'd like some sun and sandy beaches!
Also, I've started thinking about my leave date. Given the number of times that 306 has turned up in my life (uncanny and possibly uninteresting story to most) I think that March 6th 2009 is my target leave date. This is hard, cause I know I will want to take off earlier. My last day of work (whether at my current job or with a restaurant) will be February 28, to give me time to spend getting ready to leave. If I do get the bus soon, I'll take some practice trips on long weekends and camping this summer. It'll be so much fun! By the by, the bus sleeps 4 adults, though maybe not that many comfortably. If at any point while I'm gone people want to meet up for a trip, I'd be happy for the company I'm sure.
I should dash, lunch is up!
Cheers,
Sasha
I checked out a 1973 VW Westfalia Friday on my lunch break... and the more research I've done subsequent to viewing that particular bus, the more I'm realizing what a gem it is! There's very little rust, but if I go back I'll need to scurry under the bus and check out the front-axle. According to the research I've done that can be a problem spot. But it's in good condition, the engine looks very clean, and Brad - the guy who's selling it - bought it off of a mechanic who'd had it for years... so it was well maintained. The inside is very clean too, but I'd probably embark on a reupholstery project to give it more of a SashaStamp. Seriously though, it's in great shape! Brad was very helpful and honest, I'd told him it was the first bus I'd looked at, and he told me what things to look for while shopping, and showed me where to look on this bus.
I do feel like I could benefit from a more experienced opinion though. Probably I'll call up my buddy Nate; he and I haven't spoken in a number of months - not for any bad reason, but more that's just how life works out sometimes - so it'd be a good reason to give him a holler. Anyway, that's on my agenda... If his schedule permits, maybe I can get him over to check it out this weekend. I'll have the money completely saved up by mid-February, and I might see about getting a loan so that I can get it sooner (I've already got 50%, and my bonus at the end of January will cover another 30%...) I guess I'm just worried that Brad will decide not to sell it - he commented that he half-heartedly tries to sell it every few months, but nostalgia sometimes causes him to take his ads down.
Anyway, so that's the bus update!
After the morning run with my ladies on Saturday, I took the bus (public - not VW) downtown to the library to look up travel books. I found quite a few, and got some ideas on places I want to see. Unfortunately I appear to have taken that notebook out of my purse, so I can't write too much detail... But Road Trip USA is great. It gives different routes along major highways, but has an interesting blend of things to do and see.
The way I envision the trip, I'll probably hit the road for a few weeks, and then come home to say Hi and see loved ones (especially Miss Daphne, since she's not much of a driving cat) for a long weekend and then hit the road again. My first trip will probably be headed East; I'd like to see Chicago and the Great Lakes, and then I'll head down along the Mississippi and head down to Florida. I'd like some sun and sandy beaches!
Also, I've started thinking about my leave date. Given the number of times that 306 has turned up in my life (uncanny and possibly uninteresting story to most) I think that March 6th 2009 is my target leave date. This is hard, cause I know I will want to take off earlier. My last day of work (whether at my current job or with a restaurant) will be February 28, to give me time to spend getting ready to leave. If I do get the bus soon, I'll take some practice trips on long weekends and camping this summer. It'll be so much fun! By the by, the bus sleeps 4 adults, though maybe not that many comfortably. If at any point while I'm gone people want to meet up for a trip, I'd be happy for the company I'm sure.
I should dash, lunch is up!
Cheers,
Sasha
Friday, January 4, 2008
Websites that will help the documentary aspect...
This blog will also be a way for me to keep track of some of the things I hope to do while on the trip... I'll share the information I'm compiling, so that the people following my progress (loved ones, new friends, and strangers alike) have some idea of my goals. The more open I am about those, the more likely I feel it is I will accomplish them.
In journaling my trip, I was hoping to compile personal writings that I could use for future radio documentaries (I love http://www.thisamericanlife.com/) or even any books or essays I might want to write/attempt in the future. For my birthday, thanks to my brother Geoff, I got a digital voice recorder... I like it a lot, though I wish I'd put more research into it. This American Life directs those new to radio (like myself) to Transom.org's tool site (http://www.transom.org/tools/index.php). Unfortunately, there I learned that another girl is ALSO taking a road trip with similar goals and aspirations, and for a longer time. Though my goals no longer feel original, it's really no bother as I'm sure that this has been done numerous times before. But each and every one of us who embark on such a journey will come away with unique and different experiences, and this one is my story.
Every day since I committed to this idea (so, since about 2:30 on 12/31/07) I've woken up feeling peaceful and joyous. I love it! There's just SO MUCH TO DO!
Still have a few hours before I check out Bus #1, and only a few minutes before my break ends... But I found a site for extended road trips by a family that has been on the road for 15 years! Check it out at http://www.activated-storytellers.com/travel_tips_for_families.html. And please, send along any links to things that you think will help me, or let me know of any books that I should read. I'll be headed to the library this weekend, and any titles or authors would be great!
Cheers, Sasha
P.S. Just found a site I want to investigate at my leisure: http://www.roadtripamerica.com/index.htm YES!
In journaling my trip, I was hoping to compile personal writings that I could use for future radio documentaries (I love http://www.thisamericanlife.com/) or even any books or essays I might want to write/attempt in the future. For my birthday, thanks to my brother Geoff, I got a digital voice recorder... I like it a lot, though I wish I'd put more research into it. This American Life directs those new to radio (like myself) to Transom.org's tool site (http://www.transom.org/tools/index.php). Unfortunately, there I learned that another girl is ALSO taking a road trip with similar goals and aspirations, and for a longer time. Though my goals no longer feel original, it's really no bother as I'm sure that this has been done numerous times before. But each and every one of us who embark on such a journey will come away with unique and different experiences, and this one is my story.
Every day since I committed to this idea (so, since about 2:30 on 12/31/07) I've woken up feeling peaceful and joyous. I love it! There's just SO MUCH TO DO!
Still have a few hours before I check out Bus #1, and only a few minutes before my break ends... But I found a site for extended road trips by a family that has been on the road for 15 years! Check it out at http://www.activated-storytellers.com/travel_tips_for_families.html. And please, send along any links to things that you think will help me, or let me know of any books that I should read. I'll be headed to the library this weekend, and any titles or authors would be great!
Cheers, Sasha
P.S. Just found a site I want to investigate at my leisure: http://www.roadtripamerica.com/index.htm YES!
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Every journey begins...
Over the years, I've occasionally thought about getting a VW bus and seeing the country. Though I would talk about it the chance I would actually do so was slim to none. After a particularly restless end to 2007, I realized I would have to do something in order to learn some important things about myself, and the bus trip fantasy seemed as good a thing to try as any.
I really don't know what I hope to find; it could be inspiration, it could be spirituality, it could be the knowledge that I should be doing what I'm doing now. Could be anything, everything, and nothing, but it would be a challenging adventure for sure.
My plan is to leave in 2009, as the winter chill starts to fade into the coming spring. In the meantime, I'm going to continue with my job, though I will be talking this over with my boss soon. I have a strong desire to give my best for what remains of my time there; I plan to work as a server for a few months before I hit the road... I imagine I'll leave employment (and my wonderful and supportive boss) by the end of this year. It's sad really, I love the people I work with and it's a wonderful company. But I worry about the long-term fit. Maybe when I'm done with my trip, or after I spend a few years in self-discovery, I'll be in a better place to give them what they deserve of me, and I really hope that it might work out.
I know some of my friends and loved ones will be skeptical that I'll actually go on this journey. Unfortunately, I've not been the best at following through on plans. But when I'm serious about something, then, well, I'm pretty dang serious.
Running started me on this. I don't fully remember how I got started running --which is strange-- but I know that it's been teaching me how to set goals, and how to push myself and do the things I want to do.
This really feels like the next step for me. The planning and preparing for the trip will help as well; I've already begun lists of things that I need or need to learn how to do. There's a sense of calm in my heart that I hope I may maintain some sort of grasp on for the years to come.
Tomorrow I'm checking out my first possible bus. I wouldn't be able to afford it until about mid-February, but that's fine. It will give me time to research others and discover what questions I should be asking and what I should be looking for when shopping around. If anyone can give me any tips on shopping for the right VW bus (or point me in a direction for what I need to know) then I would definitely appreciate it!
I anticipate using this as a means to keep my friends updated when I'm on the road, but also to explain how I got to where I'll get. Make sense? I need to record it some way, and this, well, it will be fun for me.
Cheers and best wishes,
Sasha
I really don't know what I hope to find; it could be inspiration, it could be spirituality, it could be the knowledge that I should be doing what I'm doing now. Could be anything, everything, and nothing, but it would be a challenging adventure for sure.
My plan is to leave in 2009, as the winter chill starts to fade into the coming spring. In the meantime, I'm going to continue with my job, though I will be talking this over with my boss soon. I have a strong desire to give my best for what remains of my time there; I plan to work as a server for a few months before I hit the road... I imagine I'll leave employment (and my wonderful and supportive boss) by the end of this year. It's sad really, I love the people I work with and it's a wonderful company. But I worry about the long-term fit. Maybe when I'm done with my trip, or after I spend a few years in self-discovery, I'll be in a better place to give them what they deserve of me, and I really hope that it might work out.
I know some of my friends and loved ones will be skeptical that I'll actually go on this journey. Unfortunately, I've not been the best at following through on plans. But when I'm serious about something, then, well, I'm pretty dang serious.
Running started me on this. I don't fully remember how I got started running --which is strange-- but I know that it's been teaching me how to set goals, and how to push myself and do the things I want to do.
This really feels like the next step for me. The planning and preparing for the trip will help as well; I've already begun lists of things that I need or need to learn how to do. There's a sense of calm in my heart that I hope I may maintain some sort of grasp on for the years to come.
Tomorrow I'm checking out my first possible bus. I wouldn't be able to afford it until about mid-February, but that's fine. It will give me time to research others and discover what questions I should be asking and what I should be looking for when shopping around. If anyone can give me any tips on shopping for the right VW bus (or point me in a direction for what I need to know) then I would definitely appreciate it!
I anticipate using this as a means to keep my friends updated when I'm on the road, but also to explain how I got to where I'll get. Make sense? I need to record it some way, and this, well, it will be fun for me.
Cheers and best wishes,
Sasha
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